Boston

I'm listening to the song Boston, and even though it is ment to be a depressing song (I think), it's making me in a happy mood. Weird? hah...

That's all...

Mistake

Gooosh, okay I need to get this out to the world because I like to write about what's on my mind, but myspace isnt exactly ideal for blogging.  I know I can always count on myspace!

Sooo...today I made a big mistake.  Well, actually I made the mistake at the beginning of the week, but it's just now surfacing. Im not going to go into details, but I just messed up. I do things without thinking about them, and then I try to cover them up because I'm afraid that the consequences of admitting to them would make me hurt even more than the guilt that I would have to deal with if I didnt tell the truth.  I really hurt my boyfriend today, and I am so mad at myself I can hardly stand it.  The last thing I want in the world is to hurt him, and that is exactly what I did and have done several times before. I can't even believe it. Right now, god, you have no idea how much I just want to be with Eric and make him realize that I am not a bad girlfriend, and if I dont stop hurting him, Im not going to have the oppurtunity to do that because it will be too much for him to handle. It would tear me apart if I did something to cause us to break-up because I really am in love with him. UGH! I piss myself off so bad sometimes.  I really need to focus on from here on out being the best, most supportive, caring girlfriend that I can be, so I can earn Eric's trust back.  I dont want him to start losing interest in me or think that he cant trust me because he can and I guess all I can do now is turn things around for the better.

Eric, if you read this, because I know you do sometimes, I hope you realise how sorry I am, and how much I DO want to change the things that we talked about today on the phone.  I want to go the extra mile to make you happy, and I just really hope that you give me the chance to.  I love you.

Things...

Well, nobody looks at these things any more, which is part of the reason why I am writing this, buuuut...things have changed in my life, so I decided to update. I don't even really know where to start, so I'll just make a list...

School, soccer, friends, Eric, my family, and I guess just my whole outlook on things. 

Last year, things were so different.  I would come home and sleep almost every day after school.  I'm not sure that I was depressed or anything, but I just had no desire to do anything but be alone. Weird, right? And surprizing as it may seem...I had gained about 30 pounds since my freshman year. It made me very self-conscious about myself , which is why I always wore sweatpants.  My mom would always yell at me because we never saw eachother during the day, and on top of that, I was getting bad grades.  I guess just all of these together, and some other things on top of that, made things difficult.

But everything, well...a lot, has changed this year.  I just got my interim and I have 5 As and 1 B, which is way better than last year.  My mom and I still get in stupid arguments, but overall we're a lot closer and I can talk to her more about things.  I think that one of the biggest changes this year is our soccer team.  We're good this year, but we're also really close.  Everybody gets along, and that includes outside of soccer. Encounters in the hallway are always so enthusiastic...and  there really  isn't one person that thinks she's better than the rest, so we all make fun of eachother and nobody gets offended.  I dunno...it's just really cool.  Another big part of my life is Eric. The first time we dated, things were kinda weird.  We really didn't know eachother too well, and we rushed into our relationship. This time, we are way closer, and I feel so comfortable around him. His parents love me, mine love him. Gosh...its like perfect.  and it definitely helps when people tell me how cute we are.  I think that Eric and I are different because we dont have to show off our relationship like a lot do.  We don't kiss in the halls, I dont write "Love you Er Bear  "(haha) in my profile, and I don't bring him up just so that I can bring the spotlight on us. I just think that we have such a "real" relationship...if that makes any sense...and I love it.

So if you read this whole thing, which you most likely did not do, you probably got the point that I am so happy with how my life is going right now. 

I also thing some pictures are necessary. :)

So, I am pissed.

I spend like an hour doing that nice little survey thingy and what do I get in return? 3 comments!!!! Gosh...

Today we did the whole sprint cycle thing at fitness, which only further proved that I am incredibly out of shape. At least I did the whole thing, unlike the what? 13 girls whose knees hurt or heads were spinning, or were just mentally unable. heh...stupid girls. Joseph did not approve, and he made that clear when he told us that unless our legs fell off or we died, we had to keep running. He's so sensitive.

buuuuut...

I passed 3 of my kids at swimming lessons, so it's all good. And what's even better is that, according to the piece of paper hanging in the office, I was coach of the day. I know...very exciting.

I am now officially excited for football friday night...just fyi. Those games bring back maaaany good memories. Most of them have absolutely nothing to do with the actual game. I mean come on...who actually watched the games in 6th grade. We were too busy playing tag under the stadium.

Oh, I just remembered...hah...today I was sitting in my chair at the pool, swinging my whistle around like cool lifeguards do, when I looked over and saw my brother and his friend pass by the pool on a this little teeny moped. They had helmets and everything. I definitely did one of those things where you start cracking up, but nobody else knows what you're laughing about and they stare at you like you're some crazy person. But i did not care...it gave me a good laugh and lightened my spirits.

311 concert coming up. I have to be there. Gah I love 311.

Alright well I think that's sufficient for now....

edit;///

You could not possibly have any idea how incredibly bored I am. No soccer and no work... what am I supposed to do? Oh maaaan.

I just thought I would add this in here becasue I'm feeling all emo and stuff right now....

I am really happy with how everything is in my life right now. Especially my job. I think I can truthfully say that I have the best job ever. I've met so many cool people, and how many people can say that they get paid for simply chillin in a chair. Also, I love my managers. I'm having a lot of problems with my schedule because of soccer, and they're so cool about it...even helping me work it out. I'm so happy that I applied for this job.  

I miss choir camp...this emo thing is making me think about all the people that I haven't seen since camp. Especially Josh D...it was good to see my former focus leader in his more laidback not sucking up state.

I want to see Madigascar again...those badger things crack me up. "They are just a bunch of pansies!!" haha What a good movie.

Oh wow...God in the movie dogma is the same guy that plays snape in harry potter. Those are like completely opposite roles. ...must be a good actor. He has a cool voice...very intimidating.

Im so excited for soooooccer...I love game days. I'm expecting a lot of people to come to our games this year...and Tank is gone so somebody new needs to mega phone it up...

 Alan and meee jetskiing. Oh man I'm a hardcore jetskier.

 Sunset on the pier at Harbour town.

 All of our feeet. haha I have the blue toe ring on

 I miss Harbour Town.

 my little brother...hes such a dork

hmmm kbye